_Paul_And_Land_

More Nonsense From _Paul_And_Land_

Month: April, 2013

Jeff’s Bar and Grill Ltd (1994) t/a Dave’s Taxis(Clitheroe) Ltd

Our legal advisors, Nobby’s Legal Services of Mirfield, West Yorkshire (a Highly Reputable Team of Legal Advisors in the vein of Shirley Bassey) have asked us to point out that Jeff’s Bar and Grill Ltd (1994) t/a Dave’s Taxis(Clitheroe) Ltd are in no way associated with _Paul_And_Land_ even though their aubergine fritters and cheap travel deals to Bradford and surrounding areas are quite, no very, attractive.

Nobby’s Legal Services of Mirfield, West Yorkshire (a Highly Reputable Team of Legal Advisors in the vein of Shirley Bassey) would also be most well made up, quoting Nobby himself, if _Paul_And_Land_  pointed out that HMRC Tax Advice could be accessed via their Outreach Service on a Friday night at Jeff’s Bar and Grill, Clitheroe.

Mucky Beer is available.

So is Nobby. At reasonable rates to suit all pockets.

Aubergines optional.

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Poetry

Athletic Young Men Not Necessarily From Bude

Athletic Young Men Not Necessarily From Bude

We have a certain fondness for poetry.  The poetic qualities of Athletic Young Men from Bude and Similarly Athletic Young Ladies from Ealing (West London) are not beyond our reach.  But Samuel Coleridge Bloody Taylor, what an arse.  Has a dream about Kubla Khan, thinks this is a winner and then gets pissed off because an extremely well meaning chap from Porlock popped round.

“On awakening” Coleridge Taylor wrote, he had “a distinct recollection of the whole, and taking pen, ink, and paper, instantly and eagerly wrote down the lines that are here preserved. At this moment he was unfortunately called out by a person on business from Porlock, and detained by him above an hour, and on his return to his room, found, to his no small surprise and mortification, that though he still retained some vague and dim recollection of the general purport of the vision, yet, with the exception of some eight or ten scattered lines and images, all the rest had passed away like the images on the surface of a stream into which a stone has been cast, but, alas! without the after restoration of the latter!”

Most excellent.

Kids Today

Back in the day, when the world was in Black and White, we used to walk literally yards to catch a bus.  If you’re feeling Continental that’s “literalie metres to catch ze, how you say, transport of ze public people. N’est pas?”

Mr Nigel Farage, well known political fruit drink and beacon of hope for those whose beacons of hope have long been extinguished, would probably prefer it thus:

“Back in the day, when the world was in Black and White, we used to walk literally 12 Stones, 10 pounds and seven ounces to catch a bus.”

But why listen to a well known political fruit drink and beacon of hope for those whose beacons of hope have long been extinguished.  We don’t.

We listen to exciting Beat Combo Musicians.

Sometimes…

Sometimes, here in the squishy underbelly of lunacy that is _Paul_And_Land_, we look at things.  Pottery is quite nice.  So are Honda mopeds circa 1976.  So is David Cameron.*

Sometimes we look at http://lincolnshirered.wordpress.com because it’s rather jolly good.  And it has a rather attractive doggie on the opening page thingie.  You know what we mean.

*Part of this paragraph may be a lie.

Heston, or indeed Woolley Edge, Blumenthing

Excitement has been at a modicum, of late, here in the Land of _Paul_And_.  Foodie stuff and things are really starting to bend the needle of bendy needle type bent needle measuring type things.  Pans: Copper Bottomed, Non Stick Teflon (as prefered by the chap that has ruined our local soccer legending chaps), Laminate or Pyrex.  Cookers: Gas, Electric, Thermo-Nuclear (particularly if one is knocking up a Shepherd’s Pie a la Pyongyang.  Take one Shepherd…) or, for the purists, Steam.  Wine: Most Kind.

Peanuts are, we believe, very nutritious.  Then again, so is coal.

This is Kate Adie, for some News Agency, signing off.

A Song

Wynsor’s World of Shoes!

Wynsor’s World of Shoes!

Under the table you must go

Ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-oh

! If I catch you bending,

I’ll saw your legs right off,

Knees up! Knees Up!

Don’t get the breeze up,

Wynsor’s World of Shoes!

 

Oh My! What a rotten song!

What a rotten song!

Oh, What a rotten song!

Oh My! What a rotten song!

What a rotten singer too!

 

Wynsor’s World of Shoes!

Wynsor’s World of Shoes!

Under the table you must go

Ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-oh!

If I catch you bending,

I’ll saw your legs right off,

Knees up! Knees Up!

Don’t get the breeze up,

Wynsor’s World of Shoes!

Ow’s yer farver? All right!

Chair 2

Oh God *sob*, I don’t think that *sob* my heart can take any more of this *sob* wrenching.  @CardinalPhink has another *sob* chair available to a *sob* good home.

No tyre kickers please.

Chair2

Chair

Wimbling away in the Laundrette of Life which is @_Paul_And_Land we come across many, or some, or none, of life’s bad bits of stuff: failed love affairs, broken cheese-graters, lives destroyed by hard drugs and addiction to penguin chocolate biscuits.  But none is so heart-wrenchingly, heart wrenching as the heart-wrenching tale of an armchair *sob* available free *sob* to a good home *sob* in North Manchester.  Contact your man @CardinalPhink who will be happy to discuss it’s MOT status, Road Tax Fund Licence and its cornering capabilities at death defying speeds.

Chair

Japanese Tourists

As a Japanese tourist visiting the UK to soak up a bit of British culture, you’re possibly thinking “where can I go to soak up a bit of British culture?”  Alternatively,  as a Japanese tourist visiting the UK to soak up a bit of British culture, you’re possibly not even beginning to think “where can I go to soak up a bit of British culture?”  Such is the stuff of Philosophy.  Or not.

However if you are a Japanese tourist visiting the UK to soak up a bit of British culture and thinking “where can I go to soak up a bit of British culture?” then you won’t go far wrong with Wynsor’s World of Shoes.*

*Other high end purveyors of quality footwear may be available subject to T&Cs**

**Other T&Cs may be available***

***Or possibly not

Deep Fried Stuff: Yum!

Enough of the Cortina’s and Allegro’s. Two Americans being rather foolish. Then no more of this video volley.