A Cautionary Tale For Five Year Olds.
When you’re five years old, your entire life consists of the phrase “ask a grown up”. It’s true, ask a five year old or a grown up and they will tell you. No, you plum. Not now, carry on reading.
Where were we? Oh yes. So, you’re always asking grown ups about stuff: why you shouldn’t eat bogies, why you shouldn’t point at the man with a big spot on his nose, what were those noises from mummy and daddy’s bedroom, etc, etc and so on. But there comes a problem when no-one tells you who to believe and who to trust.
To your average five year old, a pretty large majority of the population represents “grown ups” and this group of people includes your average five year old’s twelve year old brother. Now your average twelve year old brother can be, at times, a bit useful. Conversely, they can also be a complete and utter shit-bucket. So, if you are one of the average five year olds that read _Paul_And_Land_ then you may wish to take this message onboard. When your twelve year old brother tells you that the microwave is a time travel machine for hamsters, don’t believe him. He’s being a complete and utter shit-bucket.
Oh, and those noises, yeah? They’re making someone so that you can be a complete and utter shit-bucket. Good, eh?