Taking the Mince

by pauland1707

Well, ahem, this is #99 which, if you’ve been following closely, you’ll know comes hot on the heels of #98. And we’re not, as @ProfessorEdith worries, taking the mince. No, this is real stuff: #98 started us on our journey, #99 will take us there and who knows where #100 will take us. Well, that’s not quite true, we here at _Paul_And_Land_ know where we’re going so you’d better pack a bag. And if any of you are considering contacting that Jirman woman to send _Paul_And_Land_ a telegram by way of celebration, think on, them there telegrams could be difficult to extract from your crevice!

Any road up, as they say in Hebden Bridge, wa’s th’ to do? Seems like a bunch of shady guys holed up with Mr Making-Bacon MP, gave him a working over. Bunch of heavies from out of town working for a guy called For-Change, Movement was his first name, made Making-Bacon the kind of offer you don’t want to turn down. Making-Bacon had other people he had to answer to but they were just locals, big fish in their pond yet they were nothing alongside For-Change. Making-Bacon had made promises to the locals before and had very easily gone against his word. This For-Change guy had something to offer, something real. Those locals had nothing, only history and bad noises. “I’m gonna go my own way”, thought Making-Bacon as he signed the contract and offered up his soul to the Brother of the Devil. Or Diablo as they say on Spanish Whale-Watching Expeditions.

Trust us we know what we’re doing. First let’s talk about Pensions. The excitement. Cor!

Some ol’ dirty rumour-mongers like to spread ol’ dirty rumours and they shouldn’t specially when it’s their ol’ dirty head honcho and leader and top guy that they’re spreading ol’ dirty rumours about. Still, _Paul_And_Land_ just listens and nods in the only way that a blog can. Metaphorically. So to speak.

Back in the day (not quite when the world was in Black and White but at the time when our screens flickered with Elliott More or Ness – the disappearing act with a difference), Mr Making-Bacon was at Big School. Not proper Big School but semi-Big School. John Wayne is Big Leggy, or some such thing. Now why, as some types have asked, would anyone carry on working in one place when they’ve another job handed to them on a plate, bowl, tureen, platter, etc., etc., and so on and so forth. Some rascal proposed that perhaps the lucky laddo wanted to get the years in for the ol’ gold-plated pension. Ooooh, they can be cutting! But those Jolly Holidays at John Wayne is Big Leggy need someone with a bit of gravitas locking and unlocking the doors, not just any old Tom, Dick or Harry. Seemingly no-one else is qualified for such massive tasks. Well they’d best learn sharpish as our boy’s pension is not helping out their staffing problems. One out and now, it seems, all out. All 40. Or 50 depending on who you believe. Nice work, Mr Making-Bacon, care to tell us about that pension? You could tell us about the pay-rise at the same time. And breathe.

Just a minute, there’s Gregory Peck playing Captain Ahab. What-o, Gregory, how’s the fishing? What do you say, “there she blows”, well there’s a thing. We’re all going for Tapas, Gregory, fancy an omelette. Or how about some smorgasbord. Or Ryvita. Or a drive to IKEA, you could park the car at Newark, (anag) 6. Or maybe we could buy some carpet. Or some chairs. Maybe a table. Don’t worry, it’s all from the public purse so as Gerry Mulligan, Frank Sinatra, John Barrowman, Count Basie and his Orchestra, Ella Fitzgerald and Stan Tracey, amongst others, would say “Anything Goes”.

Was there a mention of Spain. Or Whales. Well what’s this here:Spains, Whales Nice work, if you’re fortunate enough to knock about with the right crowd.

“Sharon! Sharon! Where did I put those holiday photographs?”