Madonna starring in “CSI: Epworth”

by pauland1707

Well, how deliciously apt that Ms Ciccione should pop up and sing her song about holidays.  Well she hasn’t actually popped up to sing her song about holidays, you have to imagine that.  Here at _Paul_And_Land_ we like our readers to imagine stuff.  And things, obviously.  Adds to the general japery of the place.  Talking of holidays and places:

Madonna is not in the picture

Madonna is not in the picture

Imagine away, and then some.  We’ll have some Cranberry Juice and the vegetarian crispy duck option.

Seems like Bonkers Liz, the supposed Leader of the Conservative Group on North Lincolnshire Council has got some notion that Epworth is the crime capital of the UK.  Entirely justified in our opinion: not a day goes by without shock headlines in the local august news provider recounting tales of terrorist cells and drugs cartels operating out of the Isle of Axholme’s go-to place for criminality.  Times without number we have taken in our breath, sharply, at the stories of murder, mayhem and well, more murder and mayhem as well as the constant horrors retold of  marauding gangs, plucked from the streets of South Central Los Angeles, the banlieu of Paris and the murderous back-waters of Somalia, fighting it out for control of Epworth Market Place.

Against this backdrop of violence, both bloody and possibly not so bloody (depending on the time of day), fifty grand for a slack handful of CCTV cameras seems a drop in the ocean.  We can only hope that this one single generous gift will lead to many others much needed in North Lincolnshire.  One immediately thinks of the South Killingholme International Airport, the Barrow-upon-Humber Urban Expressway and the Westwoodside Olympic bid.  Unfortunately the plans to replace the aging Keadby Bridge with the Cllr Robert Alan Waltham Memorial Bridge will, we can only assume, be put on hold until such time as said chap is just a memory.

Next week, anyone?  Anywhere looking for an experienced charlatan?