As Promised, It’s The Cornerstone Group.
Please, please. No applause please. No ripple of appreciation, for basically these ol’ charmers are, ooh, let’s think, the political equivalent of Skrewdriver, without the microscopic level of talent. Imagine if you would, semi-popular ‘comedian’ Jim Davidson, mouth sealed with duct-tape, a sack on his head, being pelted with boiled sprouts. Keep that image, it’s most enjoyable but nothing to do with The Cornerstone Group. So let’s move deftly on.
Yes, The Cornerstone Group, such paragons of virtue, such models of perfection, such, such, such… hypocrites. We won’t explore the ones from far afield because that would be lacking in zest. And we love a bit of zest, very zesty is zest. Louise Mensch, former MP for Slack, or some such place, was in The Cornerstone Group. There we go, that’s the standard set. And we won’t mention her again. Still got the image of Jim Davidson in your heads? Good Show.
How about those annoying pair of planks, the sodding aardvarks or whatever they are that advertise meerkat.com. They rather resemble meerkats but only in the same way that George Osborne resembles a politically astute Chancellor of the Exchequer (which he doesn’t, even if you squint a bit and cover one of your eyes). Where were we? Ah, pointy faced weasel like rodents. Talking of Martin Vickers, MP for Cleethorpes and those general bits around there, he’s one of The Cornerstone Group. How thrilling. Hmm? Well he would be really, wouldn’t he? Why’s that, you ask.
Well you see, back in the day, when our Martin was just another local Councillor he was also several other things. Some of those things cannot be printed for fear of upsetting nuns but our Marty was also Edward Leigh’s Special Secret Agent and Head Tamali of the Lincolnshire Conservative Association of Conservative Conservatives. Or something like that. And he wasn’t a Special Secret Agent but a bog standard Agent. Pity. Oh, by way of explanation, the ol’ whisky-slosher, proponent of exploding heads and vehement anti-gay Bible thumper, Edward Leigh MP, is a particularly loud member of The Cornerstone Group. There we go, that’s the standard measure ticked again without mentioning Mensch. Arse! Arse! Arse! Wash my mouth out with dilute sulphuric acid. Still got the image of Jim Davidson in your heads? That’ll help take away the pain.
So what’s with Martin Vickers MP (and you can ask questions, it’s not against the law. Yet) you ask. Well, the whole thing about the Cornerstone Group is that they are the Good and the Great, the good and honest in British Politics (stop it, you at the back), the flag, the family and good ol’ God. None of that old up-to-date with these chaps just pure, hard-core, what they like to call “old fashioned values”. The fact that _Paul_And_Land_ enjoys the cordurouy and Tweed look (which is pretty durned “old fashioned”) but doesn’t see eye to eye with these knuckle-draggers is lost on these types. Who’d be an ironicist, eh?
Anyway, Martin. Yes. The former news purveyor of Grimsby. That’s right, a kiosk selling newspapers to the news-hungry folk of Grimsby. These included, of course, some of the more salacious publications. Tut-tut. Oh and yeah, was there a mention of “Mr Cleethorpes” being from Grimsby. Huh-uh, that’s another black mark against our God fearing ferret, telling big, fat porkies. But he’s a Church Warden and enjoys Church and going to Church and would, no doubt, like to live in a Church and eat nothing but Church Pie. Plank. He also enjoys watching his local footie team so much that he has to ask which colours they’re playing in and leaves at half-time. If only every politico would leave at half-time. Dreeeeeaaaamm, dream, dream.
Went off on one a bit there but anyway (did we mention church, oh yes) Mr Cleethorpes, being the fine upstanding chap that he is, is above question (unlike some of the expenses claims he made as a Councillor). If only we could all claim the costs involved in a two mile commute to and from work. “But it’s all above board”, a small voice at the back hollers. Indeed it is, we retort. But that doesn’t make it right and him a Man of God. One would have thought that morals entered into the equation. Err no.
Hmm, morals. That opens a can of worms. The Cornerstone Group, a Group of 40 or so Conservative MPs who are all big on Christianity, the idealised family and Union Jack; and who pressure the Government at every opportunity to reflect their views in Government policy. Now we here at _Paul_And_Land_ aren’t geniuses, we’re not even half clever but something like 15% of hypocritical Conservative MPs, pulling strings (well yanking them actually) ain’t quite right. It’s not even in the same car park as right. And while we’re thinking about right, just take a walk past your local Church on Sunday. Check out the congregation and ask yourself “does this lot represent me?”. Reckon we know the answer.