The Chuckle BRothers
Well it seems that the international superstars and comedy geniuses that are the Chuckle Brothers (Rotherham’s finest, we are told) have been opening railways. Not so much opening railways in the styles of navvies, copious mucky beer, misery and death of Victorian era opening railways or even in the style of William Huskisson (“what’s that noise, bugger me, they can’t run me over I’m a well known politician who will become a footnote in history as the first person ever to be run down by a train”)* kind of opening railways. No, this was more a sort of “let’s get two pillocks prepared to act like two pillocks in the name of slick marketing” sort of opening railways. “Why’s that?”, asks the ubiquitous small voice (who generally appears at the back of the room) in a, as usual, tone most quizzing and quizzical and quizziness of tone as well. Yes, quite.
Well you see, this here railway has been around a year or two or 150 or so and, err well, two buffoons dressed in bathing costumes and proclaiming it “open” seems, at the least, a tad tardy on the part of the railway purveyors. But there you go.
But just a cotton-picking moment, this pair of entertainment giants were advertising a service that’s been around for some time and by a train provider that, curiously enough, that has also been around for some time.
Y’know, trains aren’t like soap powder, you don’t get a huge choice of brands all proclaiming their ability to get your whites whiter or whatever. No, you get a box on wheels, going along tracks, taking you someplace. On this new railway, opened (remember) by our erstwhile heroes Mr and Mr Chuckle, the choice is take it or leave it. Go on this train or don’t bother. No “gets your whites whiter” or “now with added pzazz” or even “with a new recipe that makes our product better than theirs” in this deal. Just, this is it, you mugs.
That’s the privatisation deal, people. They sell you choice and there is no choice. Makes you laugh dunnit? No? Well that’s why they rolled out the Chuckle Brothers. Don’t have a hernia laughing, you’ll have to choose your health practitioner. Or not.