What a to-do.

by pauland1707

The world of _Paul_And_Land_ was rocked to it’s very foundations, courtesy of that most august publication the Daily Express, on hearing that a quarter of all births in the United Kingdom plc “was to a mother from outside the UK”. Quite.

Firstly; can we offer our congratulations to said lady for achieving the aforementioned feat which has, no doubt, entered her into the Guinness Book of Records under the “Most live births at one time to a single mother” category. One can only begin to imagine the wee jig that former Record Breaker presenter and allegedly racist starlet, Cheryl Bacon-Burger, would perform at this news. Allegedly, might we add. The rocketingly rocketing numbers of young people to enjoy mind-numbingly ropey TV shows of the 80s and 90s could have potentially preserved Ms Bacon-Lettuce and Tomato’s career. Talent may have been in the equation, however, and as such this rapid growth in the potential audience may not have single-handledly performed the life saving operation for Ms Baco-Foil. Such is the fickle nature of the entertainment business.

Moving adroitly on, yes adroitly, we alight on the notion that this feat is being carried out by a “mother from outside the UK”. This indeed adds to the excitement as we imagine this poor young woman, stirruped up, firing salvo after salvo of newly born from the international waters of the Dogger Bank. Fortunately, many nurses, doctors, mid-wives and associated associates in the National Health Service are on hand to safely collect said out-pouring of freshly created young ‘uns and deliver them, all cherubic faced, to new homes. Where would we be without these gallant souls?

Let’s think about this, shall we? Sensibly and grown-up, and not like the mugs the Daily Express would have us be.