My Diary

by pauland1707

I started this week on Monday which, as is the case for many people, the start of the week as well as being the first day of the week. To begin the week, I started the week off by riding my moped to Basildon where I met some other people who were also riding mopeds to Basildon.

Had dinner. Had tea and then went to see Snow White starring Linda Nolan and Lionel Blair. Wore my olive coloured trousers all day so they’re quite creased. I may use my CORBY trouser press in the morning.

Tuesday started in the morning and after popping into the House to see some people and wave at the Car Park Attendant, who I don’t know, I joined a group of other folks to sit around and talk. We talked about very important things. Very, very important things before I had a spot of lunch when I talked to some people about very, very, very unimportant things. Nice piece of fish. I dropped a piece on my beige TROUSERS but luckily it sponged off.

In the Afternoon, I met a group of local sportsmen who are truly sporting and enjoy beating women. It’s good to know that we are worldbeaters in a field which contains so many worldbeaters along with a number of worldbeaters and other assorted worldbeaters. It’s important that we continue this excellent work and I will raise my voice and wave my arms about whenever anyone is watching which I rightly should.

Pie for tea. Very tasty. And then I pressed my olive coloured trousers.

It’s Wednesday already and I’m wearing my freshly pressed olive coloured trousers. Today, according to my diary, I’m meeting with The UK National Pork Pie and Associated Pork Product Purveyors and, quite rightly, they’ll supply some Pork Pie. This afternoon I’ll be sitting about, again, whilst some people talk about some more more important things. I may wave some papers about and say hurrah a few times or I may just play Space Invaders on my phone. Either way, busy, busy, busy. Tennis tonight, burn off that Pork Pie.

Thursday already and I’ve got an early start to be in a film about eating cheese. It’s important that we eat cheese and I wholeheartedly support anyone who eats cheese. More Pork Pie later and a presentation by The British National Pork Pie and Pork Product Purveyors Association. I will smile a lot. As I’m being filmed, I will wear my red tie.

I’m struggling to decide what to do: should I listen to some people talking about really important things and the have some Pork Pie at the British Pork Pie and Associated Pork Product Purveyors Awards before heading off for tea and a production of La Traviatta or get on the moped and head north.

Friday and I can happily admit that was one of the finest productions of La Traviatta I have ever seen. Got to rush now but I’ll still have time to have a bit of leftover Pork Pie. On the moped, I’ll read the latest Swedish crime thriller novelette and check my booking for Smorgasbord-Land “A Smorgasbord of Smorgasbords”.

Not such a good afternoon: Mrs Miggins cat still isn’t very well so I tasked my team to write a lot of letters. Broke out the spare pair pair of beige trousers and headed off for a meeting with the locals. I will tell them all about the very important things. I’m then going to the theatre as I got some free tickets. Hope there’s a bit of Pork Pie.


Chatting to the chaps that footballers get paid too much. I agree, people should get paid what they’re worth. May have put foot in mouth. Again. But, in my favour, I saved a fortune on dry-cleaning and pressing bills this week. Good for me.