Arse but “Have A Nice Day”

by pauland1707

Thank you for visiting the words of _Paul_And_Land_ today. Could we ask you a few questions about your experience? You don’t have to give your name and address but it will enhance your experience greatly when we’re sanctioning your benefits, throwing you out of the country or being bloody awful at IT security and mistakenly losing the facial recognition database to a man in Paraguay. Or Basildon. Or some other such person hell-bent on making your “Shopping Experience” rather less pleasant.

So what are they, our most wonderous purveyor of Every Little Extra, going to do with pictures of our fizzogs. Can we expect a bright and cheery “Good Morning _Paul_And_Land_. My but you look a bit ropey today. Could we interest you in some Gaviscon?” And what’s with the DWP, Border Agency, et bloody al doing asking if you enjoyed the experience? Err, the mind bloody boggles. “Oh yes, ten out of ten for making me cold and hungry”. But they’re hitting their targets, so hurrah! The Daily Express will be delighted.

Y’see, this is where some things don’t go hand in hand; asking some poor soul, climbing the steps to be whisked off on some flying crate to war-torn where-ever, if they’re enjoying the all new Customer Focused Service perhaps isn’t such a good notion. Maybe they’ll be offered their favourite soft drink and the in flight film will be specially selected to enhance return to misery. Then again, probably not.

Likewise, don’t go looking at my face and offering Gaviscon. Let me just do my shopping. If I want Gaviscon, I’ll buy some, thank you. Oh, and have a nice day.