So those boffins and nascent dance champions at the BBC tell us all the news. And when _Paul_And_Land_ awakes from slumbers in the middle of the night and hits the ‘ON’ button, this is what they get. All the news. Well supposedly all the news. The Asian Business Report, some colonial cousin informing us of the damage wrought by a “Twister” in upstate wherever and the troubles caused by a capacious Canadian. Errr, this is the BBC? That’s what the logo says.
As we know, it says India Rubber on bus tyres but it doesn’t mean that’s where they’re going. Unless you’re in Mumbai. Or Kolkotha. Or Chennai. Or Jaipur. They used to have different names. So did Beijing. But buses in Beijing don’t go to India. Or maybe they do, with silks and spices and other stuff to feed our historic burgeoning economy. And Marco Polo mints.
But, yes but, those boffins and nascent dance champions at the BBC have moved on. New words abound; Selfies, Twerking and The African Footballer of the Year. Indeed, The African Footballer of the Year. The BBC African Footballer of the Year. Twerking, no doubt. And taking Selfies.
And then, shock, horror, and other things associated with shock and horror, our nascent dance champion and her sidekick and sideflick and soft shoe shuffler and “from Len, a ten” former dance champion who wasn’t, pipe up to start wittering about Alice in Wonderland. Some new, old pictures have been found complete with the word (persons of a sensitive nature may wish to sit down at this point and waft themselves with a copy of The Graunida or Alan Rusbridger or something equally left leaning liberal) Golliwog.
A suitably suitable discussion ensues about acceptability and stuff and things. Strangely, The BBC African Footballer of the Year receives no mention. But (and persons of a sensitive nature may wish to sit down again at this point and waft themselves with a copy of The Graunida or Alan Rusbridger or something equally left leaning liberal) they show a sniff of respect to a black man who talks of mature democracies and respect and the importance of sensitivity and maturity. Indeed, then we cut to some more guff on selfies and twerking and Canadian capaciousness.
Imperialism and mint imperials. Marco Polo Mints, Mint Imperials and thoughts of Spangles, Topics and Tutti Fruittis force the older Elders of _Paul_And_Land_ to consider breakfast. Women in suits, with briefcases and conference folders and respectable shoes. Scarves and matching accessories. Tasteful. Until the sausages are served and all facades are destroyed. All notions of mature democracies and respect and the importance of sensitivity and maturity are gone. Utterly smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.
_Paul_And_Land_ retreats. Chased by a bear. A hypocritical bear. No doubt twerking and taking selfies and dancing. Everyone dances including bears. Thank you Brucie. There are no bonuses. Not in this game.