Well goodness gracious us and flipping blimey, here in _Paul_And_Land_ there was shock, horror and horror and shock as well. Blackheart had won the end battle and took control. So much for the other other articles: Mad Boy escaped the barrel of Garam Masala to continue his rabble rousing; Kid was finaly flushed down the khazi and Red, well Red just shuffled off into the sunset, with the sun setting and some new Reds (or not so Reds) having a set to over who should be the new Red (or not so Red depending on your level of red or not so red). If you see what we mean, it’s all a bit confusing. And then there was Ms Lennox: Blackheart didn’t like the likes of Ms Lennox because she looked after Straifs and Ways whereas the Straifs and Ways liked the likes of Ms Lennox because she was kind and liked the likes of Straifs and Ways. Red didn’t have to shuffle off into the setting sun sunset, he could have liked the Straifs and Ways as well but he didn’t because he wasn’t red (although he said he was) and so it was left up to Ms Lennox (who was red but not Red), Big Helga (who had no time for any of them but liked the likes of Ms Lennox because she liked the likes of the Straifs and Ways) and all the other nice people of _Paul_And_Land_. Easy, ennit?
So, one of the Straifs and Ways was called Mari. But Mari spelt it with an H and an extra I as was her wont because she came from a place over the border (no, not down Mexico way but up there in a place called Alba where people say Failte and other things like that). Ms Lennox came from Alba too, actually lots of people came from Alba but not all of them say Failte (well they don’t have to but that’s another story, for another day). Even in Alba, some folks didn’t like the cut of Mari’s (with an extra H and an extra I) jib because she wasn’t called Murph or Doug but she was redder than Red or Murph or Doug and, strangely (or not strangely depending on your outlook) neither Red nor Murph nor Doug said Failte. Blackheart never said Failte because he wasn’t right keen on Mari (with an extra H and an extra I) or any of the Straifs and Ways if truth be told and Red (he of the shuffling sun set shuffling) really didn’t like Mari (H and I added) because her redness was redder than Red’s redness. Yes! That’s about the strength of it, if Red had been redder and had said Failte once in a while then he might not have had to shuffle to see Straifs and Ways hungry. How did that happen?
You see, here in _Paul_And_Land_ we say Failte, we say Bore Da, we say Guten Tag, we say Na Then because of this thing called equality and this other thing called diversity and this other, other thing called respect. There’s no razor wire around _Paul_And_Land_ because we don’t need it , everyone is welcome here: Mr Singh, Ms Lennox, Mavis Davis who says Bore Da and Big Helga who says Na Then as she’s from Crewe. And all the Straifs and Ways (like Mari (with an extra I and an extra H)) because (and this is the very, very, very most important thing) if you treat people all the same and think about them nicely and show them some respect, they’ll be happy and do good things like open shops and look after Straifs and Ways and speak up for them. That’s the reddest redness there is. You’re Failte.